And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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