At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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