I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
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just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
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I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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