dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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