we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
