I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
