So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
