:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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