Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
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Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
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I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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