bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
