Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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