i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
