I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
