fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
