Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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