god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
