oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
