I'm jealous of your bromance
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
