He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
