I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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