Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We smell like vodka and hangover
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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