I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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