I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
where are my eyebrows?
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