In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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