Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
