? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
