Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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