The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
