So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
