I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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