So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
