I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
