i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
