I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
me + whiskey = a bad person
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize