you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
