We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
false alarm. still invincible.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
