I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
