Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
