Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
