so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
