Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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