she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
