Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
