It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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