Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
