he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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