The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
