There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
