Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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