bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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