Pregnant stripper...not hot.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
