he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
