i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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