I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
