ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
