Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
