It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
