I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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