dude i'm inner monologue high
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
