u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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