Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
