I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
