i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
