Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
