her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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