I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
