I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
