Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
