allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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