i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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