Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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