Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
