Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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