i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
