Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
