this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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