You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
